TLDR
You don’t have negative emotions. You have emotions you don’t like. And there’s a big difference. When you get better at feeling, only then do you feel better.
Are you stack ranking your emotions?
Are you working to avoid some and working to get others? Are you doing this intentionally, or is it compulsive, on auto-pilot?
You’ve had emotions since you were a child. Are you still relating to them in the same ways? Do you still think you have “negative” emotions?
Your emotions are useful. And they had far more utility during childhood than they do now. But how you relate to them is likely still rooted in childhood, back when you had no physical or emotional agency.
Getting better at being Sad
In Emotional Agency™ language, the quote would sound like this: “It’s not about being Happy. It’s about getting better at being Sad.”
“But I don’t want to be sad, Jesse.”
I know. That’s the human predicament: we have four primary emotions and have been conditioned to only like one of them.
Here’s something to consider. If something happens to my dog, I’m going to be Sad, because I love that dog. If I get fired from my job, I’m going to be Sad too. But is it the same Sadness?
Sadness is a compass. The question is, what is it pointing to? And what you’re aware of, you can control. What you’re not aware of, is in control of you.
For your consideration
When you’re Mad, is it really Mad? When you’re Scared, what are you actually afraid of feeling? How much energy are you spending trying to solve your emotions, for yourself or for anyone else? What would it be like if your emotions were no longer problems to solve?
Disclaimer
This article is for educational purposes only. It is not therapy, mental health advice, or a substitute for professional care, and reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. Jesse King is licensed in Texas. For guidance on your situation, please speak with a licensed professional.
