Worrying: Praying for What You Don’t Want

‘Worry’ Is a Type of Thought

‘Worry’ is just a thought. It’s a type of thought. WorryING is thinkING.

I say this to encourage you to get intentional with your thoughts. You have all types of thoughts in there. You can think about the past. You can think about right now. And you can think about the future. This is called remembering (past), discerning (present), and imagining (future).

There are many synonymns for your thoughts. But don’t get too distracted by all the nuance. The keyword is “your.” No matter the type of thought, they’re all YOUR thoughts. “Your” is a possessive pronoun. Your thoughts are yours (they’re not mine). However, important distinction, your thoughts are not YOU. YOU create THEM.

The goal is simple- go from compulsive thinking to intentional thinking.

Imagining Is a Skill

You can imagine all sorts of future scenarios. But let’s simplify this into two categories of imagining.

You can imagine a future that you want.

And you can imagine a future that you don’t want.

Both imagined futures do not exist. They’re just thoughts. They only exist in your imagination. Are you imagining what you want, or what you don’t want?

If you’re worried, are you imagining what you want, or what you don’t want?

Imagining is a skill to practice.

Self-Fulfilling

If you imagine an event in the future that you want, you excite yourself. If you imagine an event in the future that you don’t want, you worry yourself.

Excitement

imagining a future you want

Worry

imagining a future you don’t want

It’s self-fulfilling. Meaning, you create your reality. It’s not something that is happening to you, it’s something that you are actively creating unconsciously.

Worry and excitement don’t just show up. You create these emotions (and emotional states) with your thoughts about the future (your imagination).

You’re just not so good at thinking (yet!). The way that you think today is likely how you’ve been thinking since you were a kid. It’s conditioned, on auto-pilot. If you want to change how you think, this lesson is a start. Start changing how you imagine.

Instead of worrying yourself, can you start to get clear on what it is you’re wanting and focus on that instead? What you’ll likely find is that what you don’t want is clearer to you than what you want.

It’s All Made Up

You get an email. You get a text. You see something on Instagram. You can essentially transport yourself somewhere else with your thoughts. You can imagine what this information might mean for your future (or someone else’s future) and you affect yourself in the present. This is the self-fulfilling nature described above.

You are doing all of this. Your phone or computer is not doing it. It’s providing a stimulus, but you are transporting yourself somewhere else. You imagine yourself in an imagined future and then blame the stimulus for making you feel a certain way. This is very low agency. This is a “victim mentality” by outsourcing your sense of control over your own life. After all, the phone and email are just pixels, objectively. You are far more creative and powerful than you give yourself credit for.

The goal is simple- more intentional thinking to increase your mental and emotional agency.

Aware, Not Focused

People come to me because they can’t sleep.

I playfully say something like, “oh, you must be really excited about something- what is it?” To which they make a face and say, “no, I’m worried!” But I push further, getting them to see that if they’re excited and can’t sleep they don’t come see me, life is good. But if they’re worried and can’t sleep, that’s a problem thet needs fixing.

Can you see the self-fulfilling nature of your imagination? Your imagination about a future that does not exist, creates your present subjective reality. YOUR imagination creates YOUR reality.

The answer is simple- aware, not focused. You can be aware of all sorts of things, all sorts of imagined futures that don’t currently exist. Are you better off focusing on what you want or what you don’t want? Be aware of it all, but place a singular focus on where you’re wanting to go. This is not pretending, this is focusing.

You drive a car and you’re aware of the curb and the ditch but you focus on where you’re headed. You don’t stare (focus) at the curb and ditch. You are AWARE that they are there, but your FOCUS is on the road.

Go Deeper (for Clients)

Clients can go further with two lessons that pair with this article.

Client Lesson

Self-Fulfilling

How the future you imagine shapes how you feel right now.

Client Login →

Client Lesson

Aware, Not Focused

Notice the ditch without steering into it.

Client Login →

Ready to Work on This?

Want to work on these things yourself? Ready to get clear on what you want, rather than focusing on what you don’t want? Use the links below. Know someone who might like this article? Send it their way.

“Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.”

— Robert Downey Jr.